Heartwarming: Hundreds Of Brands Turned Out To Attend A Funeral For This 18- to 34-Year-Old College-Educated Single White Male Making At Least $70,000 Per Year

Grab some tissues, because this is going to make you ugly-cry.

When 28-year-old Andrew Hinch of Phoenix, AZ passed away from injuries suffered in a tragic car accident, something truly amazing happened: Hundreds of brands turned out to attend a funeral to mourn this 18- to 34-year-old college-educated single white male making at least $70,000 per year.

Wow, goes to show just how beloved he was for his purchasing power.

It was inspiring to see marketing representatives from Apple, Starbucks, and dozens of other corporations come together to mourn the loss of a man who was unexpectedly struck down in the prime of his ability to help make these brands profitable. Andrew’s place within the coveted demographic that is old enough to generate significant income but young enough to not have kids yet meant a great deal to so many of those who were looking to sell a product, as proven by the sheer number of marketing executives who showed up to pay their respects as part of a touching tribute to a social media-influencer millennial living in an urban area who values experiences over items.

As the memorial service progressed, this non-Hispanic white male making between $70,000 and $99,999 was remembered through a series of moving eulogies, none more heartwarming than that of the CEO of Chipotle—a man who was clearly heartbroken knowing that those within Andrew’s financial bracket often purchase food from Chipotle up to four times a month while also having enough income to spend additional on guacamole. Not all 18- to 34-year-olds make more than $70,000 per year, but that’s what made Andrew so special and so worthy of this outpouring of remembrance from so many brands.

“He was the type of guy who would’ve upgraded to Hulu Plus just to watch a reboot,” eulogized Hulu CEO Mike Hopkins in a moving speech, citing analytic statistics in honor of the departed. “This is a man who, according to data, would stream the pilot of a prestige TV show, lose interest, but then forget to cancel his subscription. For reasons such as that, he will be sorely missed by every product developer in attendance today.”

What’s even more beautiful is that several brands who target the 34- to 60-year-old white male demographic like Home Depot and Fidelity also showed up to mourn the fact that Andrew never even got a shot to be marketed to by their campaigns.

Wow. What a powerful, uplifting gesture.

Kudos to all of the brands who turned out to say goodbye to someone who they never met, but who was truly valued by them as a potential buyer with expendable income. All of their love and support will go a long way toward bringing comfort to Andrew’s churchgoing, college-educated parents with a household income above $120,000, who will hopefully begin to honor their late son by patronizing H&M, Uber, and other brands that are targeted aggressively at people Andrew’s age.

Read more: http://www.clickhole.com/article/heartwarming-hundreds-brands-turned-out-attend-fun-6847